The most common way when establishing a relationship and choosing a potential partner, in most cases, is to freely assess whether something we call chemistry has happened between the two people. Has passion erupted?

We can say that such statements are justified, legitimate and have a foundation in achieving a quality relationship. Namely, one should enter into relationships with an open heart, without any prejudices, because we want someone, to have something with that person and the like. Relationships should be unentered into calculatedly and with ultimate, concretely defined goals.

Yet anyone who has ever been in a long-term relationship knows that passion and chemistry are exclusively current states. Something we might call infatuation. And that is short-lived. At best, that passion and chemistry turn into something completely different. If your relationship is based only on these two elements, be sure that you have nothing concrete in your hands, nothing that has a future or anything of quality. These are connections that fall apart the moment chemistry, and passion disappears. No, them, no matter.

What then?

How, then, to assess whether it makes sense to enter into a relationship with someone or not, how to assess what the future of all this is? Are there potentials for a serious and long-term relationship or not? Naturally, these questions are asked by those who want such a relationship. For adventurers, only butterflies in the stomach, good fun and nothing more are important. Is it at all profitable to invest energy and time in such relationships?

A good parameter for the future of a relationship could be the answer to the question you need to ask yourself: would you hang out with a specific person in your private life? Specifically, would you be friends with that person? Even if there is no emotional connection with her, and there is no chance that your friendship will ever grow into something more than that?

What are the options?

If the answer is yes, then that person is made for you. However, if the answer is no, or not 100% YES, then pull the brake and think again, and consider whether it makes sense to invest energy, time and yourself as a whole, in something that has no chance of surviving in the long run. But here we encounter a problem.

The problem is that when we cultivate feelings towards someone, maybe some kind of chemistry and passion, we cannot see such a person well, in the right light. We tend to idealize her and attribute to them epithets and traits that in reality that person does not possess. We are ready to ignore flaws, shortcomings, bad traits and character … Simply put, we idealize that person. So we are unable to make a real assessment. What then?

Let’s seek the help of a friend

This sounds like a phrase, but it has been proven to work. Of course, if you are ready to hear a realistically viewed picture, which you may not like. Keep in mind the saying – you are what you and your closest friends are. So, these are people who think in the same way as you but are unburdened with any disciplines of infatuation and have the opportunity to see the whole situation far more realistically than you could. Here, of course, we are talking about true and sincere friends.

Be open with them, and ask them what they really see in your potential partner. But ask them to be extremely objective and not just say what you would like to hear. If most of them say that’s not it, listen to them and resist personal affinities and current desires. Time will tell your friends were, in a way, your saviours.

Is there another way to assess?

Of course. There is always an alternative, for everything you do in life when you make key decisions and more. And these are, in this case, friends of your potential partner. Just as you are the product of the people around you in the “first ring of friendship”, so is your potential partner. A picture and opportunity of her closest friends. If these people do not suit you for any reason, known or unknown, it is quite certain that your potential partner will one day get bored and will not suit you in real life.

And what if you think that person has had friends since childhood and that it is impossible to hang out with someone who doesn’t really suit her. In that situation, you need to be cunning and think about the possibility that you like that person to such an extent that he can camouflage and hide all his shortcomings, qualities that do not suit you, but that one day the truth will certainly come out. To the light. Maybe then it will be too late for everyone?

Are there any more hidden traps?

Think of one more thing. If you make a connection with a specific person, your friends will inevitably intertwine with each other, that you will hang out not only with your own but also with your partner’s friends. Can you exclude the social component of this situation? Think again: if you subordinate your personal social life to your partner, you will be deeply unhappy and from such a relationship in the end — again — there will be nothing. Why? Because you are giving up something that is very important to you personally and without which you are unhappy. Your friends! And what does your life come down to? Going to work and seeing a single person! This is by no means a good combination.

What to pay attention to?

Strictly pay attention to the fact how your potential partner treats his friends and how he behaves in their company. If by any chance you hear from your crush that he is revealing the secrets of his friends in any way or resenting something about their behaviour, be very careful. Not to mention – run with your head no matter what! What does that in fact signify?

It means your potential partner has convinced his friend that he is a person of trust, worthy of trust in secrets. And then he sold that secret for a small batch of gossip with a practically unknown person – with you. How long do you think it will take until you find yourself in a similar or the same situation? Should your partner start talking about things you shouldn’t? To betray you!

Look back

The following thing you should pay attention to is the “detail” of whether that person has a past and what kind. By that we mean the people she hung out with. However, take this with a grain of salt, because there is a possibility that she was not in close contact with them and strong friendly ties. What can that tell you? That the person you are interested in had a company that has survived for many years, that it knows how to attract and, most importantly, keep people in its environment. And that is a very good feature.

Does the person you are interested in think that he is always right when it comes to his friends. For example, when there is a conflict or quarrel, whether the person shifts all the blame to someone else or realistically admits his participation in the guilt and the reason for the conflict. The same goes for ex-partners. It can only mean one thing – that a particular person is not aware of himself, personal mistakes and his participation in real life. She is not even aware of her role in the whole story.

Are you realistic, do you see your surroundings?

Ask yourself if you are so blinded by a person and the need to be with them, not to see someone who is there – in front of your eyes, almost your whole life, without you paying attention to it, for whatever reason. Pay attention to how someone treats you, how they look at you and whether they send you any signals.

If you become aware of the existence of such a person in a circle of friends, there is a great chance that you have found a partner for life.