In one study, men and women were asked, after a brief conversation, to rate how much they liked the opposite sex, and to say how much they liked the other side. Ultimately, it turned out that in most cases, men overestimated how much they attracted women, while women underestimated their influence on men.

Desirable or not?

People who rate themselves as highly desirable are also more likely to overestimate the sexual interest of others in themselves. Maybe their self-confidence or belief in their own appearance leads them to practically take risks and think they are more attractive than they really are, so there is a situation that they are rejected more often than others.

Once we expect something, we tend to see it. If you think someone is attracting you sexually, you are more focused on that. When a person leans towards you or laughs, or anything like that – you interpret it as an encouraging sign. He may not notice when the other person withdraws.

In the next phase of the experiment, the researchers asked other people to watch the conversation unfold, after whom they had to assess how much each side was attracted to the other. The male observers agreed with the male couple – they thought he was more interested in the woman than she later admitted. The same thing happened in the case of ladies – female observers thought that men were less attracted to women than they actually were.

Context interaction

Context is really important in interaction. Men may be seeking signs of attraction more than women because their traditional gender role dictates that they are the ones taking the initiative. It sounds old-fashioned in modern times, but there were a lot of studies on meetings today and there were really a lot of traditional attitudes about who calls on a date, who pays for drinks and the like… Women still refrain, and men feel the burden of taking the lead.

Women pointed out that they receive protection from friends of the opposite sex more often than men, and they perceive this as something very important and useful. Both sexes agree these friends of the opposite sex can be great advisors when it comes to male-female relationships. When we have friends of the opposite sex – it helps us. It makes our life more beautiful, simpler and more interesting. It helps us broaden our horizons, understand how the other sex works. But then why do we often fail to simply dwell on friendly aspirations, and want the relationship to grow into something more?

Consciousness and subconscious

Subconsciously, we look for attractive friends in the first place, which means that intimacy will very likely develop because there is already something tempting in a relationship.

Friends of the opposite sex are very biased in their attraction to each other. Men do it in detail.

The way men become friends with women is very different from the way they go out with them – they tend to choose the ones that attract them both mentally and physically, whether they do something or not.

The idea of rejection is not the reason why we rarely act on that kind of attraction. It turns out that in the end, people feel more regret that they missed a chance for love than shame because of a failed attempt.

What does science say?

In one study, people were offered several profiles of candidates for a meeting and given their assessment of the likelihood of success if they were asked to come out. When they were told that there was a 45 per cent chance that a certain person would agree, 83 per cent of them still wanted to try. When the percentage dropped to five per cent, 41 per cent of them were still in the position that they would take risks, although they will most likely be rejected. As a species – we are hopelessly passionate and willing to accept risks.

Rejection is painful, but people still call each other to come out. Rejection is agony, but we have the idea that a relationship offers something much more powerful than that.

This behaviour and desire for risk are also seen in less confident individuals such as people with low self-esteem or even in those who are anxious, who endure any rejection far more painfully than others.

This was a surprise because insecure people are more affected by rejection and are more often afraid of such an outcome, even when there is no reason for it. But these people are very eager for love. The fear of not being left alone was stronger than the fear of rejection. It was actually an incentive for them to take a risk.

Attitudes toward a friend can change

Most tender interests develop over time. You may think you are in a platonic relationship, but that can change. When you try to act to alter the other party’s feelings, sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t. So, to be absolutely sure whether you want to be just friends with a person of the opposite sex or something much more than that, the only way is to always be on the same side with everyone. That’s why Dating Sites exists. You are all clear – you are on the same website for one reason only, and that is to find an adequate partner. So, don’t waste time, but take action!