We have already heard all the excuses: It just happened. I didn’t expect that. According to one poll, 54 per cent of respondents personally know someone to whom their spouse is unfaithful.

And a general review of a renowned University consistently reveals that 20 per cent of men cheat on their wives at least once in their lives, compared to 12% of women. Knowing what leads men to cheat and how to quench those urges can help you and your chosen one lives happily ever after.

The Road to Infidelity: Part One

You are a dirty rat. Well, not exactly a rat, but a vole. This small rodent is one of the few mammals that really permanently connects with its partners, and its genetic traits help scientists to conclude why people leave their own. It turns out that a switch in the brain controls the desire to form close connections. A professor of psychiatry, he discovered this switch in voles as well. It is a gene that regulates the release of vasopressin, a hormone that stimulates receptors in the brain to control our behaviour.

In male voles, vasopressin helps maintain intimacy with a partner and keeps competition at a distance. Assuming that what applies to voles also applies to humans, vasopressin activates the connection centres in your brain, making you feel attached and protective. (In women, oxytocin performs the same function.)

However, according to scientists from one Institute, if you have a certain variation of the genetic code in one type of vasopressin receptor, you will not be as sensitive and gentle as your partner would like. The study found that people with this variation are less prone to attachment and have twice as many relationship problems.

However, this genetic variation is not in itself a ticket to release from prison. Your culture, childhood and other life experiences play a big role in determining your behaviour. The professor says: “This gene affects the probability of the type of your relationship, but it does not determine it.” So you still can’t say you’re genetically predisposed to cheating.

Do not lose hope: To prevent such a possibility in your relationship, strengthen intimacy, which will deepen the connection. “We know that vasopressin is released during sex, and probably in other intimate situations as well.” Make sure your vasopressin receptors work throughout the day, creating “touchpoints”. Promise yourself that you will make five small, intimate gestures — a hug, a kiss, an email, or a text message, for example — during the day. If she responds in the same way, with five similar gestures, you will stimulate the connection centres under the influence of vasopressin in your brain, at least 10 times a day.

The Road to Infidelity: Part Two

You don’t shy away from risk enough. For many men, cheating is just another decision, which carries its own price and profit. Infidelity has uncertain and special consequences – you don’t know how much later you will feel guilty, whether it will catch you, or exactly how much you lose by divorce.

One study, published recently, reveals that men and women make decisions in drastically different ways. What is she thinking? About many things. Is it worth keeping, or is there someone else because of whom it would be worth leaving? Exactly how much (money, love, intimacy, security) will I lose if he catches me taking a lunch break at a shabby motel? It’s about her relationship, her future, and everything she could lose if she gets caught.

And how do you think? Not too much: Do I have a chance and will they catch me?

Don’t lose hope: Make a sensible decision by thinking about what you might lose now and in the future, says Neumann. Once you understand how much of a risk it is, stick to the house. More than half of the men, before the scam, spent a lot of time outside the house. They started staying at work longer, going on business trips more often or going out with friends. While you are at home, do something that few men do when they start looking back at their skirts: face your wife and admit to her that something is squeaking. “Tell her: I notice other women more than I should”. Then talk to her about how you can improve your relationship. When you know what is wrong and how to fix it, instead of cheating, you will think about strengthening your marriage.

Of course, there are still many paths that lead to infidelity, but for now, take a significant look at these two and ask yourself if you are already on the sidelines…