There is a considerable number of people who are not sure what kind of relationship they have with their friends, do they want to stay in that friendly zone or would they like something more? This is where we deal with this very complex issue.

It is clear to everyone that it is very uncomfortable to be in the zone of friendship with someone we like. It is uncomfortable for both men and women, so to speak, frustrating, and not a small number of cases that last for years!

That is why it is best to get out of the friendship zone. And that way out is possible. And even in 90% of situations.

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Are you in that 90%?

When you have a nice, stable and long-lasting friendship with someone, which is why you will have to assess whether you are in the mentioned 90% of people who can move to a higher level of “friendship”. Or you are, unfortunately, in that 10% where there is practically no chance of developing a love affair because the other party views you solely as a friend or, worse, a family member and has no sexual attraction to you. And that is devastating!

You have to be wise because staying in the zone of friendship with someone you like is nothing but a constant little self-harm. Every time you want something more, and that person doesn’t desire it from you, it’s like stabbing you a little in your ego every time. This is mostly about the ego.

Are you, maybe in that 10%?

Also, if you estimate that you are in that 10 per cent, it is best to take shelter for a while, at least until you get over the situation a little until you calm down until you find someone else. There is merely no point in constantly hurting yourself or worse, seriously injuring yourself if that person prefers someone else instead of you. You will have to be wise enough for yourself and understand where you are with that person. And that is something that you should observe, include and find out for yourself.

You have to turn on all your receptors, intuition, to observe that person, to catch the signals, and in the end to be very honest and fair to yourself, to recognize what it is, and if you see that the person wants to be just your friend you say yourself OK. And then what? Then it is best to stay away for a while until you get over the whole situation.

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What remains a reality?

However, the good news is that as many as 90% of friends can end up in a love affair. Experts in this field can confirm that these are the strongest, most stable and longest-lasting relationships that can exist.

Why? Because the transition from friendship to love confirms the compatibility of partners, understanding at all levels, common interests, attitudes…

So what do we do then? The fact is that you can’t do the identical thing all the time without expecting a different result.

You can’t be a friend all the time, be there all the time and do exactly the same things as you’ve done so far or expect that person to change because of what?

People never invest more than they have to. People will not change their behaviour if you do not encourage them to do so, not to mention forcing them. Therefore, you have to do something completely opposite to what you have been doing so far.

If you went right, it would be time to turn around and go left. If something doesn’t work, you need to change the direction and the way of behaving, so that all this fits nicely. Will you have to adjust something?

What could it be?

If you have been a friend here for coffee, which comes at midnight if that person had a bad day, someone who is there as a shoulder to cry on when someone leaves, someone who is always available, you should do the exact opposite.

The easiest way to do this is to set your own limits. And not the moment you talk to that person. For example, he calls you for coffee. If you like that person very much, it will be difficult to refuse that invitation, for the simple reason that you want to spend a lot of time with him, you want to talk to him, you want to win him over. But it is simply necessary.

You have to put it in its place and determine with yourself where those boundaries are. Tell yourself what you don’t do anymore.

For example, if he calls me for that friendly coffee, I won’t leave. If he wants us to go to the movies again, I won’t go, if he wants me to be a shoulder to cry at midnight, I’m not going anymore.

Of course, you will be a real friend if you need to find yourself in trouble, but for most situations, you need to do the exact opposite of what you have been doing so far. Why? Well, because that’s the only thing that’s going to work.

What are the effects?

That person will not think that their new situation is OK if you are always there. Why would he? But if you step back, then they will have to give more.

He will have to invest more if he still wants you with him. And if you step back, you will get answers to the questions you ask very quickly.

If you are in a real friendly relationship, if you are committed and in constant contact, you have been together for a long time, that person will notice that you have changed something, and they will have to give more.

When can you expect answers? The assessment is within two weeks. So, or she will invest more in your relationship, maybe she will ask you what is going on, you can openly tell her that such a relationship does not suit you and that you want more, I like you too much and now I have to take cover and look for something else. Do you just want to be friends? It won’t work that way.

Second option

Or, the other option is that the person will try to bring you back to that zone of friendship, to muddy, to combine, to somehow pull you in, and to give you nothing more than you already have. At that time you got your answer. He wants nothing more from you than you already have.

When we talk about relationships, the most common problem is the ego. And if you succeed in trying to hurt that person’s ego a little, they will come to you – for a remedial exam! Still, there is no point in suddenly becoming very cruel.

Maybe just a little – to refuse coffee, cinemas and be a shoulder to cry on… It makes no sense to suddenly start considering someone in a very bad way.

There is no sense in handling women like that because women do not have such a big ego, and in most cases, they will not experience it in the right way.

But you can hurt the female ego a little. He is still smaller than the male. It is a matter of evolution.

But if you say to a woman, for example, “you’re not that interesting to me”, “well, I’m bored with this”, “I don’t want to see you”, if you say something like “I like your friend, come on, introduce me to her”? Those are small ego injuries, and then that woman will have to react more.

On the other hand, just as men have a bigger ego, a woman who finds herself in such a situation will have to attack with a stronger weapon. Stand back! Stand away conspicuously, stop replying to messages, stop communicating with him and disappear for a month.

What to do in the meantime?

And for those months, you work on yourself somehow. Go to the gym, preoccupy yourself with some things, and in a month you will reappear in that person’s life. But that is not the end again.

If you want to drive someone out of the friendship zone and force those into a love affair, after a month when you show up, then tell that man what you desire. You can also do that in a casual conversation, to talk about who you liked lately.

Why? Because it hurts the male ego a lot.

And men like to compete, feel free to talk to your friend when you want something more about other men you like. Give him a reason to fight for you. That’s what you require to perform.

Men should be a little milder towards women. Merely put that idea in her head that she is not the only one, that she is no longer so interesting to you, that she is no longer so beautiful to you, that she is no longer so handsome, that you are not enchanted by her, and then she will have to work around you. Chances are on your side. Try it. You will not regret it.