Maybe you were in a relationship that you thought was “She’s Right. “So again, here you are, still single, still scanning the horizon in search of it. There are two possibilities: one, that you will notice her at the other end of the crowded room this weekend and realize in a split second that she is your destiny. Problem solved. Another possibility is you broke up with her two years ago because she wasn’t… or you weren’t… or she couldn’t… or for any of a thousand reasons.

Still, you may be in a web of some common myths about choosing a partner. Look within your head for the following delusions and do not allow them to stand between you and the lasting, lasting love that can be in a marriage.

MYTH 1: Love means you are enchanted

We all want to believe our hearts will beat the moment she passes by and that we will know for sure that she is the right one. But it happens much more often to students than to adult men who already have some experience behind them. In fact, the more confident you are, the less likely you are to go crazy the moment she enters the frame.

Remember, Romeo was a teenager when Julia drove him crazy. The absence of such feelings does not have to say anything about your girlfriend’s shortcomings as a love object, but much about your maturity. Sure, clear sky love happens here and there, but don’t wait for it to happen. Because, first of all, it is not a guarantee for anything. And secondly, many women who do not leave you breathless at first sight can inspire you in the years to come. The whole thing with the head in the clouds is for the kids. A man needs a partner, not someone who would make him whole.

MYTH 2: Marriage is surrender

Some see the ceremony more as a castration than a wedding. When a man marries, following such a philosophy, he surrenders his prerogatives to the stallion and agrees to behave with dignity and be monogamous. Naturally, there is some sense in all this. After all, studies show a surprisingly large number of wives do not like it when their husbands have sex with other women.

Keep this in mind: The belief that monogamy humiliates a man comes from a narrow, sexual idea of masculinity. Yes, not being monogamous is our favourite idea of masculinity and yes, it is definitely the most fun idea of masculinity. But that’s just one version. Once you become a husband, various other types of Y-chromosome possibilities spring up.

The husband is the one who cares, the master of everything, the one who repulses the attackers, and with a little luck, the father. And all these roles strengthen the masculine energy that invites a man to move towards the fulfilment of all that he could yet become. Don’t you fall for this? Okay, what about the following: Husbands actually have more sex than single men.

Study after study, all detachments show that, on average, married guys get it much more often than their unattached friends. Confirmed, sex is always with the same woman and these studies say nothing about the quality of sex. But hey, more is, and how hot it will be being a matter between the two of you, right?

Of course, there are a few blessed men who have it all, men who have much sex with a lot of different women. But honestly, my friend, do you think you’re one of them? Really? And even if you did, will you still be one of them in 10 years? Twenty? No, if optimal sex is the real goal, a smart bet falls on marriage.

MYTH 3: You need a lot in common

Fight the attitude that you both need a handful of interests you share or even values you share. The best thing, when you are married is to have another pair of eyes and ears through which you follow the show. So it’s a bad bet to stick to your “type”.

Everything you need in common with her is the same kind. Okay, maybe you need a few meters of common land, when it comes to big issues, like whether or not to have children. But even if you are a physicist who loves facts, and she is a free spirit who claims that the absence of evidence is not proof of absence, there is no reason for the two of you not to find common happiness. In fact, your chances are better than with two kids listening to the same song. If you and your loved one are too similar, sometimes there will not be enough air in the space for both of you.

MYTH 4: She doesn’t have to own everything

Many men run away from pulling the marriage trigger because he evaluates the woman according to his measure and then decides that she merely does not have all the qualities he is looking for. Well, here are the answers to the questions that are running through your head. Affirmative, she is attractive enough. Yes, she is smart enough. Yes, she is fun enough.

But most importantly, all of these issues are irrelevant. It’s like asking if the car is sailing. Most often, your fears are less related to her, and more to how others see your choice of partner. A woman does not need great beauty or wit to be a great partner and a person worthy of love in your life. Think of it this way. If she’s less than perfect, well, then that’s just another thing you two have in common. Everything beautiful has a crack write Leonard Cohen, and in that way, light enters.

After all, there is only one thing that really matters. Will he be with you when trouble arises? When you are short of money or when test results are poor, will they stay with you to disperse the clouds? If she’s loyal and you like her and she enjoys sex and doesn’t look like an English Bulldog, grab her and build a life with her.

Remember this mantra for the bedroom: More opportunities are lost due to indecision than due to bad decisions.

And finally, consider the idea, often expressed by therapists, that men who can’t commit may not even know how to love. It may be psycho-gossip, but examine you to be sure. Make sure you are worthy of all the best that life has to offer.